you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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