She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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