I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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