I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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