I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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