So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
