i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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