i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're like the curious george of whores
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
