do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
