I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
