I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
