I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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