so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
