i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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