Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
