wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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