I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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