i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
