One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
