no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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