Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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