i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
