My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
