I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
