OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
