you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
