If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
