I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I AM VODKA MAN
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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