Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
