I smell stomach acid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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