just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
