i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
