I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
