I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
