we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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