Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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