Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
