dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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