1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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