Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
