You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
