I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
