i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
