thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
