As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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