So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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