I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
