Soap is not a condiment
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
