Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
