I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
