Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
