I wish I only lived at night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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