Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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