She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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