Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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