his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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