if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
