As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
God, I missed his penis.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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