can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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