Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
