so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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