Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
