I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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