I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
