I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
