I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
