I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
