Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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