I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
