The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
