He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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