He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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