i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
