Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
