I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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