You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
