I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
