sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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