So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
