just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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