my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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