i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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