I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
