I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
