I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
